Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
