hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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