All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
