I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
