broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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