Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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