she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
