he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
