I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
