nut hugger
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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