Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
