i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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