Old men and throwing up are my life now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
