So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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