so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
