is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
