Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
