Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
