This is not my ceiling
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
