i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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