So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
