ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
