I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
