Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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