i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize