So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
