I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
