We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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