i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
