Someone shit on the floor
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
