toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
