How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
