i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
