Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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