I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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