I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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