You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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