Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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