we made out on top of his cat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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