the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
