there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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