Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
