Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
