finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
