If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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