Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i will never coherently bang her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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