It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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