just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
