They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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