So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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