she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
