Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
