I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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