The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
