ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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