you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
