dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
