you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
