Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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