a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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