my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
