Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That accounts for only three of the penises
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
