he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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