Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
