Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
