If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
