How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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