So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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