Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
