tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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