...so i touched it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
