How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
