Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
