Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
