Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
