i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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