I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
