she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
