and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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