can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
