i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
