I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
