Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's Friday. Sex?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
