Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
