I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
